I must remain strong. I must not show fear. For the sake of this peace, I cannot break. I can’t believe it was almost a month ago that my brother gave me over to this old man. I guess he could be worse. He’s good to me. But do I love him? He told me he loved me. I had to respond back, didn’t I? But do I really love him now? Sure. But he could almost be my father. He might even be older than my father. I keep thinking about how my brother said that I would go to love him. I hope I will. I don’t want to feel like this marriage is only for politics for the rest of my life. I mean, I know the reasons behind this marriage is political, but I want it to blossom into something more. I want to love him.
Maybe I can’t love him completely right now because I’m so scared? I’m scared for my people. I hope that we do not go to war against them. But I should be scared for them most. I feel so selfish for being scared of the monster that attacks the Meadhall. I should be willing to give my life at any moment to save someone, but I can’t help but worry for my own dear life. Am I selfish? I know that I should be wanting to give up my life to save another, but I don’t want to die. Oh no, I can feel a tear coming down my face. I can’t show sorrow. I can’t show weakness.
I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I have a good life. I am with a man who is good to me. I’ve known my entire life that I would be married off for a truce, so why do I feel so depressed now? I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if I could marry any man I wanted to. But then again, maybe that would have been harder. I would have had to let my feelings known to another man. I can’t do that. Once they see pain, they will see weakness, and they will not view you as a leader. I must lead by example. I will hold my head up high. I will be a role model to young children. I will not show fear. I will not show sorrow. I will not show powerlessness. I am strong and I will be seen as strong.
I find particularly engaging Wealtheow's inner conflict between leading altruistically for the people and her own personal fears of loss and sacrifice. We don't really get to see much of her own thoughts in either Beowulf or Grendel, an aspect that I think could be investigated further under feminist criticism.
ReplyDeleteWow, that was so powerful! Poor Wealtheow! Such a strong woman! I just want to cry! This was amazing! I really feel as if I understand Wealtheow more from reading your monologue. I really loved the way you formatted her thoughts too.
ReplyDeleteYou've done a great job at engaging the reader and having he or she become emotionally involved almost immediately. Your style of writing truly captures the way many people in a conflicting situation feel and it comes across so genuine and real. Fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteJaimie--I think you understand the Queen's need to be strong in the face of a challenge (reminds me of you, actually). All your entries are timely and very strong.
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